Compelled recently to answer the question, ” If you were a bird for a day who would you shit on?” I thought for some time before deciding upon Confucius. Let me explain why.
Obviously, we have to begin with Chaos theory. The butterfly flapping its wings can cause a hurricane halfway around the world thing. A little event like getting dumped on by a bird could set off a long chain of events. Of course, the direction of these developments could be positive or negative. Naturally, this brings us to Hitler though to be fair in the year twenty seventeen all discussions have to include Hitler even if Chaos theory didn’t get us there.
So imagine Hitler is coming out of a pub with a big bottle of whiskey he had purchased to drown his sorrows in after losing his eyesight in world war one. The war is over, and he is pretty angry about Germany losing, but he is more upset about his tanked art career. Now just as he steps off the curb, the guy who chose to crap on Hitler with his bird day does so and catches him square in his one functional eye. Hitler misses his step, falls in a pothole left by some little bomb and smashes the whiskey bottle on the street. Now he is seriously angry. He manages to wipe the bird droppings from his eye just as a wealthy Jew comes out of the pub with a bottle and walks off down the street singing. Boom Holocaust!
At the same time except, of course, about two thousand five hundred years earlier the Qin Dynasty has collapsed. Confucius is wandering about talking to some young fellows eager to hear the next brilliant thing he has to say. He needs to go to the washroom, so he is walking a bit quickly when along comes me, and after missing him completely five or six times, I finally manage a direct hit also right in the eye. So Confucius stumbles and falls on the street, assuming they had those in China at the time. Well, what is he going to do? Get angry and start a war with Japan? I don’t think so. He is going to come up with something incredibly wise to say and that in a big hurry because by now he seriously needs to go pee. What gem would he create you ask? Well, how would I know? You should ask a wise man.
Ok since you insist I will make a guess. ” Never drive too fast or in a straight line because the bird might shit on your windshield and you could get hurt in an accident.”